Stay-At-Home Momming

The most common response I get from people when I tell them I am a stay-at-home mom is “Wow, that must be so great. What do you do all day?” You mean besides chasing my toddler around the house, washing an infinite amount of dishes and laundry, constantly cleaning the floors because toddlers are sticky little monsters and they want to be all independent and feed themselves, trying to ensure my little one is getting enough “cognitive time” by reading to her, "homemaking" baby food, grocery shopping, couponing… I mean, the list goes on and on (PLUS, I am a full time student).

My (very limited) adult interactions now consist of, “Is she sleeping through the night?” and “How old is she now?”. I mean hell, I do not think I can tell you not one popular song on the radio right now, but I do know for a fact that I can sing every single word of the Puppy Dog Pals theme song… with no background music. When my kid is taking a nap, I now have to choose whether I want to:

1. Take a nap, too.

2. Take a shower.

3. Work out.

4. Eat something.

For the record, #3 STILL hasn’t won that debate. And Olivia is over a year old.

Just to give everyone a quick little math lesson on why I chose to stay at home: In the current job market I could make about $12/hour. $480/week, so that’d be somewhere around $1,500/month after takes are taken out. With local daycares starting at $250/week in my area and with the commute for gas and other expenses, I’d bring home like $50/week. Kids are expensive (which is why I am currently in college, people).

The hardest struggle to me about being a stay-at-home mom is the fact that it is so excruciatingly isolating. Yes, I know that I am never physically alone. Every meal I eat is with Olivia. Every time I go to the bathroom, it is a “family potty party”. Every trip to the refrigerator or grocery store, I have a 1 year old on my hip.

This is something I have really been struggling to share publicly because it almost seems selfish.

I mean, this is what we, women, were made to do, right? So shouldn’t this be a piece of cake?

I have to admit; some of the isolation is self-inflicted. Between making sure you have enough snacks packed and an extra outfit for the baby (because they always seem to have the blowouts in public), timing outings around naps, changing diapers on those plastic diaper stations, and being mentally prepared for a temper tantrum, sometimes it is easier to just stay at home. If I choose to stay at home, am I really allowed to even feel this way?

People always tell me how “I chose to have a baby” and “I chose this life/lifestyle”. They are not wrong, I know that. Because of this, I have stayed silent in fear of getting judged and criticized. I have stayed silent about how much I beat myself up for thinking like this at all. I have guilt because I'm not contributing to my family financially so, when I have had a long day, I never ask for help giving Olivia a bath or putting her to sleep because of that fear and the jokes.

The jokes people crack about staying in your pajamas until 2 p.m. and minimalizing the amount work you do. People thinking your house should be “spotless” and there should always be a fresh baked pie on the counter. I am afraid that my needs are not enough and that I am a failure because as I mentioned before: “we are made to do this.”

Just because we are made to do this, does that mean it is supposed to be easy?

It is not all bad and there are amazing moments, but you know guys know that. I do not need to write a blog post about the "sunshine and glitters" of motherhood. The first time I heard Olivia laugh or saw her crawl (and walk); the first time she said “dada” and “mama”; the way that she dances to the “Hot Diggety Dog” song; how she splashes my face and cracks up during bath time; watching her learn a new word a task almost every day; it is truly amazing.

These are moments I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am thankful that I get to experience things that other moms don’t get to, due to work or other obligations. I have a great deal of respect for working moms because I do not know how they balance their work life and come home every night to cook dinner and help with homework.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. I get tired, depressed, angry, frustrated, lonely, and overwhelmed. This does not make me a bad person.

When people ask, "What do you do all day?" Well, just because I do not get "paid" to work,

does not mean I do not have a job.